The Case No 1 had a very very sad ending. The lady is diagnosed of Severe Depression where one had excessive sadness and negative feelings without a cause - She was indeed insecure and not paranoic as the husband's infidelity in the past was confirmed later by the couple's older daughter. The daughter assures that there was a another woman in the past and no other now. She gets Psychiatric help. I was glad she was receiving the needed help. With further Psychotherapy and family support she will be almost fine. I looked around to find her husband. After all this woman was so much in love with him. It was the overpowering love for him and disappointments that made her a monster. With his support, she is definitely going to be fine.
To my surpirse, he was talking to his children emphatically as if won a battle. The main reason for his happiness apparently was the fact that it is his wife who has a problem and that he is "normal". The apparent lack of love was so evident that I didn't need to talk to him again. He is not sad for his wife, nor is he relieved that she will be receiving the required help.
When asked repeatedly for co-operation regarding his wife's treatment, he simply absconds citing 'work reasons' and not return at all even upon discharching his wife from hospital.
It made me feel sick. In my job,I am supposed to remain unbiased and non-judgemental. Have empathy and unconditional positive regard for all of my patients.
But the human in me cries out for the lady here. Until she was diagnosed of the problem, I held both of them equally responsible for the crises in their marriage. But him simply walking out at a very crucial moment emphatically by proving who is "not normal", according to him, makes it very unfair.
What has he achieved in proving that his wife has a problem. Hasn't he contributed to the problems in marriage by being very chauvenistic and unsupportive and unfaithful? Isn't he responsible for the woman he married after so many vows -until death do them apart - did he ever stand by her atleast to partially stick to his vow?
Now, my beloved patient, will return to her home, sorry house, to lead the loveless life she loathed so much so that she wanted to die. Doctors have saved her life, or have restored her vital organs to function effectively, for is there any life without zest or love???
Friday, July 31, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
Secret of a successful marriage
As I was discussing with a friend about my most recent post(Case No.1),
she tells me the secret to a successful marriage is by removing 'divorce' or
'separation' as an option.
- Another friend argues that it is the secret to a successful marriage and not
for a happy marriage.
- Another says learning to compromise and improving tolerance will lead to more
understanding and that is the secret for a happy marriage. Just eleminating the option of divorce alone will only make the marriage more mechanical.
- While another says "Just live in the present" and do not dwell upon the past.
Personally, I would go with the last one as it works.
As far as the last but one option goes, it does sometimes save a failing marraige though it could prove extremely stressful for the compromising spouse.
____________________________________________________
Now,which of these could help the couple in the Case No.1
she tells me the secret to a successful marriage is by removing 'divorce' or
'separation' as an option.
- Another friend argues that it is the secret to a successful marriage and not
for a happy marriage.
- Another says learning to compromise and improving tolerance will lead to more
understanding and that is the secret for a happy marriage. Just eleminating the option of divorce alone will only make the marriage more mechanical.
- While another says "Just live in the present" and do not dwell upon the past.
Personally, I would go with the last one as it works.
As far as the last but one option goes, it does sometimes save a failing marraige though it could prove extremely stressful for the compromising spouse.
____________________________________________________
Now,which of these could help the couple in the Case No.1
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Case no 1
On Friday of 17 July 2009, I was asked by a fellow colleague to see a patient in the ward who has been admitted for 'accidental over dose' of sleeping pills. The word 'accidental overdose' is a term used by doctors and other medical professionals to avoid any legal issues. But without saying, there must be a story behind the accidental overdose. So there I go preparing myself to meet a young,immatured adolescent who has fought with her parents/lover and tries to break through her stress by this 'accidental overdose'.
However, I was shocked to see a 55 year old lady, married to a 62year old man, who had children with ages 30, 27 and 25. She came from a stable family background with a good reputation. Moreover she was educated, employed in with the State Government and her husband is a seasoned politician.
From the few initial conversation it was clear that the husband loved her but did not show her as he was 'angry'. She had an obssessive fondness for her husband that was overshadowed with suspicions over his fidelity.
Here, I was posed with this big challenge... was she having a paranoic disorder (a mental disorder where one suspects another to no end) or was she insecure?
However hard her husband tried to reassure her that he has no other woman in his life, she would not just believe in him.
On the other hand, their children had no idea of the storm in their parents relationship until a year ago. Needless to say they're shattered to see their parents' life in different directions after believing for so long in their love and harmony.
It was a very tricky and trying situation for me and I didn't want to be mislead by emotions that was overpowering the truth. I couldn't believe the woman as she was crying and playing a constant blame-game. The man was a politicians with trained eye contact and body language.
Their children who lived away from parents for quite some time now don't seem to understand the real problem between the two and hence are helpless.
The couple on the other hand seem to have lost their belief in marriage and claim that they have led their lives only for the sake of their children. But both do not wish to separate formally. Living together was equally next to impossible. What do they do?
What do I do? Do I help them lead a distasteful life together or do I let them go their own ways?
Their children are not an issue here as they all have been married away. Now the couple live alone, got only each others company but they are not happy. The lady insists, she needs to be free atleast now after having suffered all her life for the sake of children. The man wants to be with the wife but is sick and tired of her suspicious spying and constant fights. He is old, a hypertensive and wants to live his old age in peace.
____________________________________________
Well, this is quite a common scenario in my life where I have to come across people leading
a scattered life and seem to remain together because they do not have an option to separate either because of family/societial norms or due to their dependant personalities.
But not having 'separation' and 'divorce' as a moral action seemed to have done good to many familes despite having unfavourable living conditions.
There are impossible living situation too, where living together alone can cause damage to one's life and property.
Do you think, such situations can be over come by working out issues or is separation a wise, hassle-free option?
However, I was shocked to see a 55 year old lady, married to a 62year old man, who had children with ages 30, 27 and 25. She came from a stable family background with a good reputation. Moreover she was educated, employed in with the State Government and her husband is a seasoned politician.
From the few initial conversation it was clear that the husband loved her but did not show her as he was 'angry'. She had an obssessive fondness for her husband that was overshadowed with suspicions over his fidelity.
Here, I was posed with this big challenge... was she having a paranoic disorder (a mental disorder where one suspects another to no end) or was she insecure?
However hard her husband tried to reassure her that he has no other woman in his life, she would not just believe in him.
On the other hand, their children had no idea of the storm in their parents relationship until a year ago. Needless to say they're shattered to see their parents' life in different directions after believing for so long in their love and harmony.
It was a very tricky and trying situation for me and I didn't want to be mislead by emotions that was overpowering the truth. I couldn't believe the woman as she was crying and playing a constant blame-game. The man was a politicians with trained eye contact and body language.
Their children who lived away from parents for quite some time now don't seem to understand the real problem between the two and hence are helpless.
The couple on the other hand seem to have lost their belief in marriage and claim that they have led their lives only for the sake of their children. But both do not wish to separate formally. Living together was equally next to impossible. What do they do?
What do I do? Do I help them lead a distasteful life together or do I let them go their own ways?
Their children are not an issue here as they all have been married away. Now the couple live alone, got only each others company but they are not happy. The lady insists, she needs to be free atleast now after having suffered all her life for the sake of children. The man wants to be with the wife but is sick and tired of her suspicious spying and constant fights. He is old, a hypertensive and wants to live his old age in peace.
____________________________________________
Well, this is quite a common scenario in my life where I have to come across people leading
a scattered life and seem to remain together because they do not have an option to separate either because of family/societial norms or due to their dependant personalities.
But not having 'separation' and 'divorce' as a moral action seemed to have done good to many familes despite having unfavourable living conditions.
There are impossible living situation too, where living together alone can cause damage to one's life and property.
Do you think, such situations can be over come by working out issues or is separation a wise, hassle-free option?
As for this Case no 1, keep in track with the blog to see how this Case Process goes.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Ini Oru Vidhi Seivom
Today, I happened to see a show on TV and I actually cursed myself for having wasted that time. The show was called "Ini Oru Vidhi seivom" on Vijay TV, which was hosted by Revathy Sankaran. She was discussing the most sensitive issues on screen and the audience who were part of the chat show spilled out such issues that I had to wonder, if these women will ever go back to their houses and face their family about whom there has been so much of bitching.
Is talking out a problem so loudly going to solve anything?
What about preserving the sensitivity and integrity of the famiiles?
There are two teams with personal issues and having a general and opposing stance in the same.
And Revathy provides a single liner solution after all that mud slinging.
But my dear bloggers, please forget the Vijay TV and the host and the chat show. They're business people and do that to make a earn TRP ratings and earn big bucks.
But I don't understand those women who are willing to unmask their own kith and kin of their
limitations for the sake of being viewed on TV.
There can be a chat show, where issues can be discussed in general, but the participants must refrain from getting personal when talking about their real life experiences.
I believe, personally, that if those women have a problem then they do not talk like that in a chat show but instead sit down and work with it within four walls.
If they talk, then they are either faking the situations or they do not wish to solve their problems and rather resort to plain sympathy seeking.
Whatever, dear bloggers, don't you all think that a problem, if it is t be solved must be solved within a personal space?
Is talking out a problem so loudly going to solve anything?
What about preserving the sensitivity and integrity of the famiiles?
There are two teams with personal issues and having a general and opposing stance in the same.
And Revathy provides a single liner solution after all that mud slinging.
But my dear bloggers, please forget the Vijay TV and the host and the chat show. They're business people and do that to make a earn TRP ratings and earn big bucks.
But I don't understand those women who are willing to unmask their own kith and kin of their
limitations for the sake of being viewed on TV.
There can be a chat show, where issues can be discussed in general, but the participants must refrain from getting personal when talking about their real life experiences.
I believe, personally, that if those women have a problem then they do not talk like that in a chat show but instead sit down and work with it within four walls.
If they talk, then they are either faking the situations or they do not wish to solve their problems and rather resort to plain sympathy seeking.
Whatever, dear bloggers, don't you all think that a problem, if it is t be solved must be solved within a personal space?
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Remembering Jacko
Hi All,
This has been quite a painful week to see our legend, our beloved King of Pop pass away. Those people who grew up to this music in the 80's will remember him forever and forever. May he live for another thousand years through his music.
As I surf more about Micheal Jackson, there's one thing that emerges that is just very clear devoid of any speculation. He had a troubled childhood and as an adult he had trouble sustaining relationships. He had problems pertaining to his bodily image (refer to the numerous plastic surgeries and his changing looks over the years).
There was one writer even claiming that MJ wanted to turn from a Black man to a white woman. So what was his trouble? If he had been devoid of these troubles would he have lived long enough atleast to complete the "This is It!" tour????
Did these trouble cause stress on him that he had to fall upon anti-depressants and pain-killer medications and plastic surgeries for support?
If he had had a stable relationship could he have delayed the inevitable?
If the paparazzi hadn't troubled him with these speculations and hadn't followed him everywhere writing about his nose and chin implants, would he have lived a little longer?
Why did he have a child molestation charge against him?Though he was acquitted of all charges he was alleged to have paid a huge sum to the victim's family. Still, why was that thing with children??? Was he trying to derive power and control by doing the bad thing with children?that he could never have a say on his own dad and his punitive methods of upbringing?
Are these troubles actually zeroing down on his dad's punitive and abusive upbringing??
If his dad had been simply motivating and had not been abusive, would Micheal have had a better life that he would have been happier to live???
Is a sound childhood that important for a stable adulthood?
________________________________________________________
As a Psychologist, I read as well see the problems accociated with a bad childhood.
Michael's death is very painful as I grew up to his music. But can't help thinking that his childhood has been bad and that he has had problems adjusting to himself as an adult. I'm not here to say that they are directly related, I am no one to comment. But as I tell, its hard not to correlate.
Do you have a child? Please Take good Care.
This has been quite a painful week to see our legend, our beloved King of Pop pass away. Those people who grew up to this music in the 80's will remember him forever and forever. May he live for another thousand years through his music.
As I surf more about Micheal Jackson, there's one thing that emerges that is just very clear devoid of any speculation. He had a troubled childhood and as an adult he had trouble sustaining relationships. He had problems pertaining to his bodily image (refer to the numerous plastic surgeries and his changing looks over the years).
There was one writer even claiming that MJ wanted to turn from a Black man to a white woman. So what was his trouble? If he had been devoid of these troubles would he have lived long enough atleast to complete the "This is It!" tour????
Did these trouble cause stress on him that he had to fall upon anti-depressants and pain-killer medications and plastic surgeries for support?
If he had had a stable relationship could he have delayed the inevitable?
If the paparazzi hadn't troubled him with these speculations and hadn't followed him everywhere writing about his nose and chin implants, would he have lived a little longer?
Why did he have a child molestation charge against him?Though he was acquitted of all charges he was alleged to have paid a huge sum to the victim's family. Still, why was that thing with children??? Was he trying to derive power and control by doing the bad thing with children?that he could never have a say on his own dad and his punitive methods of upbringing?
Are these troubles actually zeroing down on his dad's punitive and abusive upbringing??
If his dad had been simply motivating and had not been abusive, would Micheal have had a better life that he would have been happier to live???
Is a sound childhood that important for a stable adulthood?
________________________________________________________
As a Psychologist, I read as well see the problems accociated with a bad childhood.
Michael's death is very painful as I grew up to his music. But can't help thinking that his childhood has been bad and that he has had problems adjusting to himself as an adult. I'm not here to say that they are directly related, I am no one to comment. But as I tell, its hard not to correlate.
Do you have a child? Please Take good Care.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Age Defying Complex
Hi All,
Today I just came across an interview by Gwyneth Paltrow about ageing.
What she'd told was mind blowing. Though not exactly in the same words, this is what it meant.
To her ageing is most natural and one needs to keep moving on.Not ageing means being stagnant.
Now coming to my point -Why will anyone want to stagnate in their lives ?
Why do people try to defy something that is most natural?
Why is always looking beautiful means looking young?
Why can't we look gracefully old and beautiful?
Today I just came across an interview by Gwyneth Paltrow about ageing.
What she'd told was mind blowing. Though not exactly in the same words, this is what it meant.
To her ageing is most natural and one needs to keep moving on.Not ageing means being stagnant.
Now coming to my point -Why will anyone want to stagnate in their lives ?
Why do people try to defy something that is most natural?
Why is always looking beautiful means looking young?
Why can't we look gracefully old and beautiful?
Monday, June 15, 2009
Special Days - Why are they special?
Why do we celebrate birthdays and anniversaries?What's really special about them?
Why do we feel hurt or upset when our loved ones forget to make us feel special on those select days?Why do we spend so much on that special day?
Why can't we just do it on another day that is just convenient and pleasant?
Why do we feel hurt or upset when our loved ones forget to make us feel special on those select days?Why do we spend so much on that special day?
Why can't we just do it on another day that is just convenient and pleasant?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)